shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
