I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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