just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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