mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
