plz talk dirty to me
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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