Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
