so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
