I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
