do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my sisters under your porch take her home
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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