We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Is it penis luge time yet?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
you never un-have a 4some
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
