I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
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yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
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WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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