It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
