We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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