dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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