is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
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Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
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I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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