Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
