Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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