You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
