i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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