i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We have started to decorate penises.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
