yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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