Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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