You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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