I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Four minutes until I can fart!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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