i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
