I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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