what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
