if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
