I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
