mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
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Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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