There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
