Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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