I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So vagazzling was a success
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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