I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
