She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I need moral support for this bender
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
