just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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