Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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