I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You're a waste of cheezeits
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
