Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
