There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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