I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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