honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize