Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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