why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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