Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
