She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
