you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
