Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
