why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
