At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize