Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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