I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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