doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
