I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
