Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
