My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
