My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
