Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
