So drunk its hurt
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
