I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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