Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
