What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If its not for food we ain't going out.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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