I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
