If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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