Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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