New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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