ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
