Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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