It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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