His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
