just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
