So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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