there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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