Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
