Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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