So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
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"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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