Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
