Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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