I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
