you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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