so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
