in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.