I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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