Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I want to have your abortion
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
