love makes seman taste better
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
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I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
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I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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