woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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