That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
