3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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