I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize