Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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